The Long Journey

Our blog is normally a happy place where we meet and share our lives. I like to be happy. But today, I'm having difficulty with happiness.

I spent the day at the hospital yesterday. My dad, who recently finished six rounds of chemo, had developed a fever that wouldn't stay under control and his hemoglobin was very low. A transfusion was definitely in order. As the rich, red blood dripped out of the bag and into his veins, I waited for him to spring back to his normal self, as he has done twice before. But the fever kept him down and prevented him from being released. He's staying until a cause can be found.
I've been very positive and full of faith through these months. Dad, also, has been in a very good place and my mum has been a solid rock. But last night, as I lay in bed and remembered riding on the crossbar of his bike as a little girl and pictured him building things last summer, a tool belt buckled around his slim waist, I cracked. The dark of night is not always a friendly time, and our worst fears can seemingly come to life.

Today, I will focus on teaching and gather my wandering thoughts. I will go to the hospital after school and be strong. I will remember what I believe in my heart of hearts and lean on my source of life. As Mum reminded me on the phone this morning, the fat lady hasn't sung yet.